It comes down to this

I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. While I should be preparing lessons for Spanish 105 or reading 17th century Spanish poetry or researching my final essay on depictions of muslim women in medieval exemplos I instead find myself searching the internet for short-term teaching positions in southern mexico, central ecuador, guatemala, chile, costa rica, somewhere in spain. 3-7 months would be ideal.

It comes down to this: in a few months I will have either passed my MA exam in Spanish or I will have failed it. And then I have to actually decide what to do with my life. What does one do with a Master's degree in Hispanic literature? Do I stay in Indiana? Do I buy a house? Do I continue to study Spanish literature? Do I switch career paths? Do I decide to stop?

It comes down to this: I don't know what it comes down to. There are too many variables in my life right now. I know my life isn't a chemisty lab experiment, but still... there are so many variables right now. And yet, at the same time, not enough.

I went to a poetry and prose reading tonight, read in Portuguese and Spanish, mostly. I was struck by the fact that some words just don't exist in other languages. Some words that exist in English, just don't exist in other ones (or some that exist in other languages, don't exist in English). Take toes, for example. There is no word in Spanish that just means "toes." There is something in Spanish that exists to talk about toes, but no one single word that means "toes." That's amazing to me.